Today, I crashed my car while on my way to hand in a Uni assignment due, sending an elderly woman to hospital, though she was sent mostly “just to be safe”. Then the police took a statement and told me I’d be getting a fine and losing 2 licence points (I had 4 before this).
My car is half a chasm while their car was mostly undamaged. My car’s radiator is broken, so it needed to be towed. Insurance wouldn’t give free towing unless it was to a repair centre, so we had to tow it ourselves. Bought towing rope and some clasps and began dragging the car using dad’s car.
We stopped at lights, and when they went green, dad didn’t seem to realise that taking off at 30km/h would tear my front bumper, around which the rope was looped, in half. Stuck at lights with a thousand idiots who don’t recognise hazard lights behind me, I am forced to start my engine and turn into the nearest available place.
Dad meets me there and ignores the damage he did. Fastens the rope to something else and starts pulling me home. When we get home I remember we have ~100MB left of our data quota for the internet, I now have no usable money, and I’m not getting a shift at work for the next two weeks. To top it al off, I wrote this story once, but copied over it on the clipboard and had to write it again.
No net, no car, no work, no money. My only possible enjoyment now comes from being shut in this room playing the same games over and over.
How was your day?
For a while now I’ve realised the secrets of Love and Happiness. I know, sounds cliche, but I’m fairly sure its true. It’s not necessarily any easier than the common conception of charming the love of your life into falling for you too, but it involves less luck than bumping into your soulmate on the train, or in your favourite store, and its not nearly as awkward as having your friends or, heaven forbid, your parents, trying to hook you up with strangers you’ve never met. Instead, it just involves a lot of time and patience, some social skills, a touch of discretion, and a certain amount of self-reflection.
First, let me dismiss a few misconceptions about how love works; Love is not a strange, drug-like feeling that hits you like a tonne of bricks and drags you by the throat after your lover. There’s no such thing as love at first sight. You can stop loving someone, but its not something that just stops. And finally, you don’t have to make a choice between being friends with someone and loving them. Why is this? Because love is in fact the next phase after friendship.
Guys always laugh at the suggestion that they love their best friends - and with seemingly good reason - but it’s actually the best way to describe it. When someone becomes more than just a friend to you, they become a best friend. You spend a lot of time together, and you enjoy that time. You clearly have a lot in common with each other, and you really seem to click.
The difference between “best friend” and “partner” is twofold; First, you’ll be attracted to your partner, and you’ll click on almost all levels. The second part is the conscious choice to accept them as your partner, over any others. This is where you get to use your self-reflection; you have to look at yourself and see what things you want your partner to do the same (complimentary traits), and what you want them to do different (supplementary traits).
Now, at this point, you’ve realised and decided that you love them now, but they haven’t said anything about it and neither have you. The good thing about this is that regardless of whether they have feelings for you or not, you can keep growing closer as friends until they catch up with you, and you’re still with them for that time! That’s where you use your social skills to resist the urge to revert to soap-operatus and pour out feelings in the hopes they fall for you and you can run off into the sunset, and instead just spend time with them.
Slowly, things will become easier between the two of you. You’ll talk to each other all the time, share secrets, and be very open. You’ll put your arm over each other’s shoulders and walk around without feeling embarrassed or flirty. When they cry, you’ll know what to say to them and you’ll give them a hug and a shoulder without hesitation. Take the time to know them and grow with them. Don’t try and rush things, because it will turn out messy. You have your entire life ahead of you, and since you’re already great friends, you’ll be spending most of your time together anyway.
The difficult part is then establishing something mutual between each other. Here’s where the discretion comes in; you need to be able to figure out if they have any kind of feelings for you too, and if they do, even if they’re not as strong, you can safely let them know how you feel. Don’t make it a huge event, but don’t act like it’s no big deal. When you’re sitting down with them doing something normal, just look at them and tell them “You know, I’ve really come to love you. I wanna keep what we have between us”, or whatever you think fits. Use your discretion!
After you both know how each other feels, take some time to get used to it. Do what you’ve always done, but really appreciate what’s been realised between you. Then, when you feel that it’s right, make it official. Ask them out, and take the time to know them a bit more intimately. See how your lives would work together, find some of the problems you’ll have and think about how you can fix them.
Be prepared for conflict, but also be open for change. People are stubborn about themselves. Very few people are willing to accept criticism about themselves, and just as many people are willing to understand that they don’t know enough details to push for a change, or that changes will take time. You both need to be open to each other’s points and vulnerabilities, and understand that you love each other - you’re not doing it to hurt each other, but to make sure the relationship works in the long run. Make sure you clearly distinguish the difference between major and minor issues, though. Compare the difficulty of fixing an issue with the advantages it’ll provide. You don’t want to cause massive friction or stress for your partner over their mildly annoying issue.
Where you go from there is up to you. If you find there are too many issues between you two to make a life out of it, by all means be disappointed and saddened, but stay good friends, like you were in the first place. Make notes on which traits were complimentary and which were supplementary, so you can know for next time. Figure out what went wrong, and what went right. You can only be more prepared next time.
I hope I’ve helped a few people with this. It still takes a lot of work to find your partner, and heaven knows we don’t all have great social skills, self-reflection, discretion or patience, but learning is one thing everybody has in common. Good luck, and spread the word!
“As all married couples eventually do, the Fenrelianiuses produced a child, a boy who left the womb with a generously manly stubble and an already-defined chin. Because of his aura of strength and determination, the couple named him Magrias, and the legend was born.”
He will be missed by some
Other punchlines include: “I’m dying next episode”, “I’ve got a husband in another show”, “The Directors would never allow it”, and the classic “I’m really… a hivemind of tarantulas” (or ‘man’ would work too)